Brooke Shields Was Right!

Wow - being a mom is pretty much indescribable, at least no one was able to describe it to me in a way that prepared me even remotely for the way I would feel! As you can tell by the length between posts for me, it's been a while and these one month photos are almost a month old now! She's actually a little over 7 weeks now, but I figure it's not too late for the one month post.

There have definitely been really good days where Katherine nurses well and sleeps well and is altogether the most amazing thing in the world! She's even amazing when she doesn't do all those things! But the emotions have just been all over the place! I cried most of the first month of her life - cried because I was terrified of doing things wrong, cried because I missed the way life used to be, and cried because I couldn't figure out why I wasn't gushing with immense love and warmth every time I saw her! I was so worried I wasn't bonding appropriately and Doug and I were doomed to be bad parents. Finally most of the crying and lack of self confidence subsided as we all dropped into some sort of new normal routine. Then came Christmas and our new normal was turned all upside down as we attempted to be at family and friend's houses! It was really difficult and I felt like there was no joy in the holidays as I lived my life in 3 hour increments. Thankfully, Doug was so supportive through all of these feelings and helped as much as he could. He would willingly give Katie bottles and got up with us every night as I nursed her. He talked me through so many of my emotions and never made me feel like less of a mom for feeling the way I did.

So the holidays are gone and Doug is back at work again and we're easing back into our schedule again. My feelings of ineptitude are gone for the most part. Somedays are still really hard and I have to be purposeful about enjoying even the hard times. Katherine is truly a gift from God and I have prayed and prayed to treat her as such. I am truly enamored with her and the fact that she is a product of Doug and me! I felt it was important to verbalize the feelings I had in case there's other new moms who are struggling with the same thing. Motherhood is absolutely wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. I am so proud to be Katherine's mom and we love having her as a part of our family. Every day she changes and comes more into her personality. We thank God for the opportunity to be her parents and hope we will honor Him in how we raise her.

She has her 8 week doctor's appointment on Friday and I plan to post more about her and her fun little personality and the unique things she does. And I promise more pictures!